The Epic Journey Continues!

Cyberspace! Due to the demands of Mommy Pangburn, DBDeezo, and my own need to document my encounters, I am writing this blog again!

What the fuck has been going on, XjXbxtrXsmkX?

Excellent question, dear reader. In all truth, not a ton. I am thankfully not working at the Cafe Lame-O, having moved on to being a mental health and drug treatment counselor at a residential treatment center. A much longer title than 'half-assed barista.'

I work two days a week, and the job is intense/challenging/mind expanding in many ways. It is really relieving to feel like I'm actually contributing something, and now that I've been there for 3 months I'm starting to get the hang of it and have a handle on it. My coworkers are rad, and although the job is stressful at times I'm really enjoying it and having a good time there. Plus I'm known as J-Bax to the clients, my fellow counselors, and my boss.

Two days a week is a rad schedule but in between work days I'm not up to too much, plus I've been living with the folks, and the result is that I've been spending a lot of time alone.

What are you doing with your time, J-Bax?

Not fucking much! What the fuck? For the first time ever I have a bunch of time, and no idea what the fuck to do. Sheesh. I always have felt like I've wanted a challenge and I've wanted to push myself, and being completely without a schedule or structural obligations has proven to be the most unlikely and difficult challenge yet.

In truth, I've been pretty depressed. My motivation has ran away like my neighbors cat when they neutered it, and at times activities that are normally ultra rad-sauce for me (working at the bike kitchen, playing music, docking) are empty, meaningless, devoid of fun. I have been feeling very blank, silent, and lost.

There is some hope, however. I've been sharing this with all my friends and am now setting up a weekly discussion group to talk about mental health stuff with my friends. I'm also gonna start seeing a therapist regularly, and I've been trying out all sorts of meditation and other mindfulness practices to keep my brain pumped up.

I've also realized recently that I love being lost in the physical sense--taking a new route home, finding myself in a new city and having to discover new things and explore--and I'm trying to apply this attitude to my life. The grand adventure, the ultimate journey!

And the next adventure is...?
Now that I've been applying this attitude to my general existence, I'm gonna try to use this blog to document the adventures that I undertake, to serve as a kind of journal to help me figure out where I am, how I got here, and where I want to go.

Right now I feel like I'm surrounded by a thick fog, on a little boat at sea. I can't see shit and my compass fell in the water. The water isn't to choppy, but as far as I can tell I'm just floating around with no clue about whats happening. At times I'll dock (literally and figuratively...whoa!) and see some coastal city, at times some seagulls may pass overhead, and sometimes I jump in for a dip.

We'll see where this little tugboat put puts off to next. Until then, peace out!

-Dr. Bax